How Do You Pick A Diet Plan?

So many people have lost weight, only to have it return. And a lot of us have tried multiple diets, enough to claim, “nothing works for me”. Yet, there we are, clicking on weight loss promises on social media with hopes of a new tool that will melt pounds easily. I understand the desperation of wanting to lose weight and the self-loathing of gaining it back. I’ve come to realize that most diets will work, but it’s not about the particular diet, it’s about having tools to maintain your achievements.

That said, I will warn against fad diets. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. There aren’t always right decisions, but some decisions are clearly wrong. If you get your information on social media, you are more likely to believe misinformation.

Have you heard of the Cotton Ball Diet? This “diet,” involves soaking cotton balls in juices and then eating them to drastically cut caloric intake. You heard that right. You eat the cotton balls. Choosing to eat cotton balls soaked in juice is an extremely dangerous form of disordered eating that can lead to medical emergencies such as intestinal obstructions, malnutrition, hormone disruption, and/or infection.

How about the Vision Diet? This is a diet not designed to improve your eyes, but actually involves wearing blue-tinted glasses to make food seem less appetizing, thereby reducing your caloric intake. Foods in the red/yellow spectrum look the most appetizing, whereas blue was found to be the least appetizing. There is no evidence that wearing them results in weight loss.

There’s also the Sleeping Beauty Diet that was popularized by Elvis Presley. This extreme dieting method involves sleeping for long periods of time to avoid eating meals. Elvis would sometimes be put in a medically induced coma for days. Sleeping is not a sustainable goal in the long term and can have negative consequences in the short term if one misses too many days of work. Taking sedatives to artificially sleep longer than normal to avoid eating is just a bad idea.

And then there’s the Medical Medium Diet. Anthony William Coviello, known professionally as Anthony William or the Medical Medium, is a self-proclaimed medium who offers pseudoscientific medical and health advice based on alleged communication with a spirit. He lacks medical training but offers health advice based upon his communications with a spirit. In my opinion, you shouldn’t trust the dead to help you lose weight. There is no research or scientific evidence to support the claim that diets recommended by spirits and/or paranormal beings are effective.

The term pseudoscience suggests something is being presented as science inaccurately or even deceptively. Pseudoscience is differentiated from science because, although it usually claims to be science, pseudoscience does not adhere to scientific standards.

So what do you do? Use critical thinking, utilize good science, and look for gaps in the logic. Choose your information source carefully, such as your physician or a nutritionist. Then choose a diet plan. There is no such thing as one-size-fits-all when it comes to diet plans, and it’s key to find one that fits your lifestyle. The best diet is one you can safely and realistically stick with for the long term, plain and simple. It should be flexible enough to fit into your everyday life. 

Happy New Year!

With the new year, people make resolutions in which they resolve to change an undesired trait or behavior, accomplish a personal goal, or otherwise improve their behavior at the beginning of a calendar year. The most common resolutions are losing weight, doing more exercise, quitting smoking, and saving money. Sadly, most resolutions fail within the first few weeks of the new year. Research has shown that half of all adults make a New Year’s resolution, but fewer than 10% keep them for more than a few months. One study showed that 50% of people who make a resolution abandon it before even starting.

A habit is a behavior that has been repeated enough times to become automatic. In his book, “Atomic Habits”, James Clear walks us through the process of creating new habits. It is a must-read for self-improvement. The habits you repeat every day largely determine your health, wealth, and happiness. They are based on repetition and frequency.

How do you create a new habit? It is not sufficient to identify a goal. James Clear would say that you have to make each element of the goal concrete by breaking them into systems and processes. “Ultimately, it is your commitment to the process that will determine your progress.”

Whenever you want to change your behavior, ask yourself:

How can I make it obvious?

How can I make it attractive?

How can I make it easy?

How can I make it satisfying?

For example, let’s say you want to exercise regularly. What’s your process?

Step I: Make it obvious by stating your intention. After work ends at 5 pm, I will go for a 15-minute walk outdoors.

Step 2: Make it attractive.

Action: I will dress in comfortable clothes and tie my shoes.

Reward: I will listen to a podcast while I walk.

Ritual: I will lay out my walking clothes in the morning and put them next to the door for easy access.

Step 3: Make it easy.

Environment: I will walk out my door and around the block

Trigger: I will see my clothes and shoes when I come in the front door.

Step 4: Make it satisfying.

30-day reward: I will purchase a new audiobook

60-day reward: I will treat myself to a massage.

May you have a Happy New Year and a lifetime of healthy habits.

Social Support is Critical to Losing and Maintaining Weight Loss

We’re gearing up for New Year’s resolutions to slim down and move more. Did you know that 45 million Americans go on a diet each year? The average adult will try 126 different diets during their life. Women give up diets after an average of five weeks, two days, and 43 minutes. It’s not personal. It is human nature to relapse. More than half of weight loss is regained within two years, and by five years more than 80% of weight loss is regained. Obesity is complex. It has a strong genetic component with many hormonal, metabolic, psychological, cultural, and behavioral factors.

It’s one thing to lose weight, and it’s another to keep it off. One of the secrets to maintaining weight loss is social support.

If you are interested in changing a habit or entrenched behavior, I highly recommend you read “Atomic Habits”, by James Clear. It is an excellent book that is loaded with strategies to change routine behaviors. I agree with him when he says, “One of the most powerful drivers of habits and behavior change is the social environment. Our social group guides our behavior. We naturally soak up the habits of those around us. No matter what habits you desire to build, the key step is to join a group where your desired behavior is the normal behavior. New habits seem achievable when you see others doing them every day. Nothing sustains motivation better than belonging to the tribe. This is why remaining part of a group after achieving a goal is crucial to maintaining your habits. It’s friendship and community that embed a new identity and help behaviors last over the long run.”

Actress Kirstie Alley struggled with fluctuations in her weight. She understood what it takes to lose weight and maintain it. “It’s like being an athlete. No athlete is going to do well without having a coach. We have to equate that to life. Without a coach helping us along the way, I don’t think someone can make it for the long haul,” she said.

In the spirit of losing weight and maintaining the gains, I am offering a support group, called GOAL-KEEPERS. It is an educational and behavioral support group.

• You will recognize and change unproductive thinking patterns using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
• You will learn addiction concepts for long-term recovery
• You will learn emotion regulation skills and stress management
• You will learn how to deal with failure
• You will apply the latest information on building healthy habits
• You will be held accountable for your goals in a supportive setting
• And more,…

Please join me in either virtual or face-to-face meetings in my office, located in Galena.

We can do this together. Either call, email, or register on Eventbrite. https://www.eventbrite.com/e/goal-keepers-support-group-to-achieve-and-maintain-weight-loss-tickets-488335644057

Body Neutrality

Kirstie Alley died at 71 of cancer this week. She was an American actress and is best known for her role in the sitcom Cheers. She was a beautiful woman who struggled with weight gain and loss publicly. She became a Jenny Craig spokesperson after losing 75 lbs. but apparently regained the weight. Ms. Alley poked fun at weight issues by developing and staring in the sitcom “Fat Actress”. She was uncomfortable in her body. “I didn’t like the way I looked. My body had gotten really weak. I felt like I couldn’t move.”

Contrast Ms. Alley’s story with Lizzo’s. Melissa Viviane Jefferson, known professionally as Lizzo, is an American singer, rapper, and flutist. She is large, loud, and proud – very vocal about body positivity. She is an advocate for overweight people. The body-positive movement urges people to love their bodies no matter what they look like, and body neutrality focuses on what your body can do for you. A cornerstone of body neutrality is avoiding telling someone how to view their body.

It is not our place to judge another’s body. Body positivity is a social movement focused on the acceptance of all bodies, regardless of size, shape, skin tone, gender, and physical abilities. It challenges present-day beauty standards. Lizzo has every right to be happy with herself. She is a highly successful artist who champions diversity and inclusion. Her mother made a tribute to Lizzo by saying she “has shown us all that we don’t have to conform to anyone’s standards in order to be happy, to be creative, and to feel worthy.” Go, girl. You be you.

I applaud Lizzo for daring to be herself. That is not easy, given the American standards of beauty. Neither fat-shaming nor skinny-shaming is acceptable, and all body types can and should be celebrated. All bodies are worthy, and one’s perception of health looks different to different people.

So, should we give up on dieting? Not necessarily, but we should give up judgment and shame. Stigmas are not helpful to anyone. In fact, insecurity easily leads to giving up on weight loss aspirations. I believe we can strive for radical acceptance of our bodies while we make healthy choices. 

Holidays Are Not Always Happy in Fractured Families

Holidays are not always happy for children whose parents split up. Even as an adult, navigating holidays with divorced parents is stressful. Visiting everyone is a logistical nightmare. When you’re with one side, you feel guilty that you are not with the other side. Or, when you are with one parent, you feel a need to protect the other parent from unfair criticism.

Research has documented that parental divorce or separation is associated with an increased risk for child and adolescent adjustment problems, including academic difficulties (e.g., lower grades and dropping out of school), disruptive behaviors (e.g., conduct and substance use problems), and depressed mood. However, most children whose parents divorce are resilient and exhibit no obvious psychological problems. But even resilient young people from divorced families often report painful feelings or encounters, such as worrying about events like graduations or weddings when both parents will be present. (NIH: “Parental Divorce or Separation and Children’s Mental Health”)

Tammy and Jay S. Daughtry both have master’s degrees in Marriage and Family Therapy and operate Co-Parenting International, an organization aimed at helping divorced/divided parents raise healthy kids. They claim that “as the post-divorce dust settles, your child’s chances of leading a healthy, successful life are directly linked to how you and your former spouse relate.”

Dr. Constance Ahrons wrote “The Good Divorce”, in which she describes five categories of co-parenting relationships.

1. Perfect Pals (high interactors—high communicators). Perfect pals still call themselves good friends, even after divorce. Perfect pals stayed well connected, asking about each other’s lives, activities, and feelings.
2. Cooperative Colleagues (moderate interactors—high communicators). Unlike perfect pals, cooperative colleagues do not consider themselves to be friends. Cooperative colleagues talk often, always about the children or extended family, not about their personal lives or feelings.
3. Angry Associates (moderate interactors—low communicators). Instead of being able to compartmentalize their anger about the past, they let it spread into related and even non-related issues. With each other, they are generally tense and hostile, or even openly conflictual.
4. Fiery Foes (low interactors—low communicators). These ex-spouses rarely interact. When they do talk, they usually end up fighting. Their divorces tend to be highly litigious, and their legal battles often continue for many years after the divorce.
5. Dissolved Duos (non-interactors—non-communicators). In this category, ex-spouses are usually completely disconnected. The noncustodial parent is usually uninvolved and out of the picture, perhaps out of the geographic area. This creates true single-parent families; the other parent exists only in memories and fantasies.

Which category have you experienced? And which category do you think is best for your kids? Experts agree that Cooperative Colleagues is the healthiest co-parenting style for children, and for ex-spouses.

If you struggle to be cooperative with your ex, or if the children are not faring well, I recommend that you take a course from Tammy and Jay S. Daughtry. They developed a 10-module home study course for parents who are raising children between two households. Topics include how to adjust after divorce, creating stability for children, co-parenting finances, understanding healthy boundaries, how to handle the hand-off, and how to manage a difficult ex-partner.  You can find the course–One Heart, Two Homes–at www.CoparentingInternational.com.

Thanksgiving Binge

I love a traditional Thanksgiving meal with family and friends. But I don’t look forward to the bloated feeling that comes after the festivities.

Depending on age, weight, and gender, most people should have somewhere between 1,600 and 2,800 calories daily. However, the average American will consume a hefty 3,000 calories on Thanksgiving for dinner alone. Drinks, desserts, and appetizers can bring the total calorie count to 4,500, according to the Calorie Control Council, an industry group. Many of these people will feel guilty, disgusted, or depressed after overeating.

Binge eating is defined as frequently consuming unusually large amounts of food in one sitting and feeling out of control. Occasional episodes of overeating do not qualify for a clinical diagnosis of binge eating, but if you engage in recurrent behaviors of at least three of the following you fit the category of a binge eater:

Eating rapidly until uncomfortably full

Eating large amounts when not hungry

Eating alone to hide your consumption

Depression, guilt, and self-disgust follow eating

Occurs twice weekly for 6 months

Like other addictions, eating disorders exist on a spectrum from use, misuse, abuse, and, finally, addiction or dependence. A healthy use of food fuels the body. Misuse of food occurs when we use it for comfort, reward, or to celebrate. We abuse food when we use it to mask or medicate feelings. Ultimately, food can be used compulsively to cope with an irresistible urge to consume more and more.

Some of us engage in emotional eating. Emotions dictate what we decide to eat and how much we eat. Emotional hunger won’t acknowledge fullness in the stomach as a reason to stop. It develops quickly and makes you feel an urgency to grab something and chew. The dopamine receptor sites trigger a rush of pleasure in the brain and body. Every time you eat something high in salt, sugar, or fat, you experience a rush of feel-good chemicals. If this occurs often enough, you create a pathway in your brain that can result in an unhealthy habit or even addiction.

There are severe medical consequences of compulsive eating, binge-purge, or excessive fasting. Some of these are gastric problems, kidney damage, abnormal metabolism, heart attack, or stroke. When these or other problems arise, food is no longer your friend.

Disordered eating is the greatest predictor of developing an eating disorder. If you have a developing problem, early intervention is required.

Believe It, Or Not?

We can’t believe every new fad we hear about. I listened to Timothy Caulfield, a Canadian law professor, who was a keynote speaker at my professional association’s annual conference. He says misinformation is killing us and we are in the middle of an infodemic.

For example, Lynn Lew, 21, filmed herself drinking her dog’s urine, an act she says cleared her acne, cured her depression, and prevents cancer. Dog urine in some cases contains herbicides and drinking the urine is not a smart decision. Don’t do it.

The Hindu religious system places great value on the products of cows. They believe that the byproducts of cows such as dung, ghee, milk, curd, and urine are purifying agents. Some people believe the use of cow dung and urine will cure COVID‐19. It is now a public health concern.

A wellness hack called “testicle tanning” is hot stuff right now. Urologists are quick to note that there are more than a few scientific flaws in this theory.

And Raw Water enthusiasts say that drinking water that is untreated and unfiltered is safe and healthier than tap water. Even though untreated water appears clean, drinking it can be extremely dangerous to your health. Without sterilization, untreated or unfiltered water could be swarming with dangerous microorganisms which could lead to hazardous health issues, such as diarrhea, sepsis, cholera, and potentially death.

There aren’t always right decisions, but some decisions are clearly wrong. If you get your information on social media, you are more likely to believe misinformation and spread it. We need to combat misinformation on social media and debunk falsehoods. 

The term pseudoscience suggests something is being presented as science inaccurately or even deceptively. Pseudoscience is differentiated from science because, although it usually claims to be science, pseudoscience does not adhere to scientific standards.

So, what do you do? Use critical thinking, utilize good science, and look for gaps in the logic. Choose your information source carefully. Resist the temptation to seek information that echoes your pre-existing beliefs. If you trust your source, you can trust your decisions.

Losing Weight Is One Thing, Keeping It Off Is Another

Buyer beware. We’ve all seen advertisements that promise weight loss. Some will claim weight loss without conventional dieting so there is no isolation, deprivation, or time required. These ads claim that they are clinically proven to be effective. “Stop Dieting. Start Losing Weight. This plan shows you how easily you can lose weight by eating more food and eliminating conventional dieting. This truly is a real weight loss and health solution, backed by real science and results.” (Source withheld)

The Federal Trade Commission Consumer Advice (https://consumer.ftc.gov/articles/truth-behind-weight-loss-ads) says, “It would be nice if you could lose weight simply by taking a pill, wearing a patch, or rubbing in a cream, but claims that you can lose weight without changing your habits just aren’t true. And some of these products could even hurt your health. Dishonest advertisers will say just about anything to get you to buy their weight loss products. Here are some of the false promises you’ll often see in weight loss ads:”

Lose weight without dieting or exercising. (You won’t.)

You don’t have to watch what you eat to lose weight. (You do.)

If you use this product, you’ll lose weight permanently. (Wrong.)

To lose weight, all you have to do is take this pill. (Not true.)

You can lose 30 pounds in 30 days. (Nope.)

This product works for everyone. (It doesn’t.)

Lose weight with this patch or cream. (You can’t.)

Even if these claims were true, they don’t promise maintenance. Here’s a sobering statistic: Roughly 90 percent of people who lose a lot of weight eventually regain just about all of it.

“No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There’s only one thing that makes someone change – their own realization that they need to do it.” This quote is attributed to Lori Deschene at TheMindsJournal.com.  And it will happen when they decide they’re ready.

Let’s say you’ve come to realize a need for change. Now what? Knowing it and doing it are two separate things. A commitment to health requires medical guidance, education, financial resources, peer support, and a plan.

It is said that the best treatment for addiction treatment is the one that the person who is struggling with an addiction agrees to. The same is true for a weight loss plan. WW (formerly Weight Watchers), Noom, Nutrisystem, and Jenny Craig are all popular programs. And there’s bariatric surgery, Keto, Mediterranean, plant-based, and low-carb diets. Diet pills and supplements promise to help you shed pounds. In my opinion, any of these programs will work to get started. Keeping it off is the hard part. Obesity is a chronic condition that requires a lifetime of intervention.

Why is it so hard to keep the weight off? Our bodies and psyches want to return to our previous set point. Our cells act as if that higher weight is our normal weight. And our psyche wants to turn to food as comfort, stress management, and joy, as it had functioned in the past. Our bodies barrage us with hormonal signals that create cravings and chant “eat, eat, eat.” The plans work, but our motivation and willpower to enact the plans falter. Motivation is fickle. Although we may start strong, we may tire of restricted food choices. Or we may face life stressors that cause us to get off track.

Diets typically result in early rapid weight loss followed by a weight plateau and progressive regain. In an analysis of twenty-nine long-term weight loss studies, more than half of the lost weight was regained within two years, and by five years more than 80% of lost weight was regained.

Treatment of obesity requires ongoing clinical attention and weight maintenance counseling to support sustainable change. A study led by Dr. Laura Svetkey of Duke University decided to compare the success rates of approaches to maintaining weight loss. After 2.5 years of trying to maintain their weight loss, the participants who had personal counseling had the most success.

In counseling, you can learn triggers to over-eating and develop grounding techniques to calm yourself until the cravings pass. You can address stress management and improve coping skills. You will be assigned behavioral tasks. And, you will have a supportive person to hold you accountable for your goals.

Effective weight loss is less a project than a process. Change is not an event that suddenly occurs. Rather, it is a process that gradually unfolds over time. Long-term benefits require long-term attention.

Dueling Political Yard Signs

The 2022 United States elections are scheduled to be held on Tuesday, November 8, 2022. During this midterm election year, all 435 seats in the House of Representatives and thirty-five of the 100 seats in the Senate will be contested. Political yard signs are popping up everywhere. Campaign signs influence how we vote more than you might realize. But have you seen dueling yard signs from the same household? It happens. And not necessarily from unhappy marriages.

Politically mixed marriages have been trending down. In 2016, when Eitan Hersh and Yair Ghitza counted married couples among registered voters, they found that 30% of couples were politically mixed, meaning they did not share the same party identification. Most of these marriages were between partisans and Independents, and 9% of all mixed marriages were between Democrats and Republicans. Today, only 21% of marriages are politically mixed, and 3.6% are between Democrats and Republicans.

A Wakefield Research study revealed that 29% of Americans viewed the political climate as a cause of tension between their partners. In 2017, after Trump won the election, 11% of Americans ended a romantic relationship because of different political views. Younger couples were the most likely to break up over politics, with 22 percent of millennials deciding to call it quits over political views.

Yet, your overall relationship satisfaction will lead to future relationship success or failure, probably not solely your differing political views.

Do your core values have to align? No two people share all the same beliefs or have the same exact traits. All couples struggle with differences. All individuals have unique preferences and personalities that are based upon such things as genetics, parenting, formative experiences, role modeling, deeply held values, or traumas.

Psychologists John and Julie Gottman, of the Gottman Institute, studied couples in conflict. Four years later, they found that these couples were still in conflict regarding the same topic. In fact, 69% of the things that they were in conflict about were not solvable. For example, extroverts will never be introverts. Hoarders will never be clean freaks. People who are chronically tardy will not be consistently early without earnest effort. People who are habitually lazy will not be drawn to extreme sports. Couples tend to argue about deeply held values, including politics, religion, differences in their handling of money, the discipline of children, communication styles, etc.

The Gottmans warn against getting into gridlock over these perpetual conflicts. Power struggles lead to relationship dissatisfaction. If each party makes an effort to please their partner, they might achieve a 25% change. They will never be you, but if they are willing to make some accommodations, relationship satisfaction increases.

What matters is not solving perpetual problems, but rather the effect with which they are discussed. The goal should be to establish a dialogue about the difference that communicates acceptance of your partner with humor, affection, and respect. Wise couples will seek commonalities.

The couple with dueling yard signs disagrees on the best candidates, but both agree that voting is important. Get out there and vote!

Sorry, Not Sorry

The Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting occurred on December 14, 2012, in Newtown, Connecticut, when 20-year-old Adam Lanza shot and killed twenty-six people. Twenty of the victims were children between six and seven years old, and six were adult staff members.

The loss of a child may be the worst trauma a human being can experience. One man, unrelated to the Sandy Hook shooting, said he experienced “grief so deeply unfathomable that it led to brief bouts of insanity” after the death of his child. “The death of a child is considered the single worst stressor a person can go through,” says Deborah Carr, Ph.D., chair of the sociology department at Boston University. And it’s a different kind of grief to lose your child to murder. These fragile parents need love and support in the wake of such trauma.

Alex Jones is the creator and owner of “InfoWars,” a far-right conspiracy theory website and radio platform. Instead of providing love and support to these grieving families, he sparked a conspiracy theory that the shooting was a hoax. He suggested the shooting was a ruse coordinated by gun control advocates, the incident was staged, and that the families and first responders were “crisis actors.” Jones lit the match and started the fire with an online platform and broadcast that reached millions worldwide.

As a result, Sandy Hook family members were the targets of death threats, threats of rape, in-person harassment, and abusive comments on social media. One woman has moved five times since the shooting and avoids going out to grocery stores and other public places. A conspiracy theorist threatened to dig up a child’s grave to prove he hadn’t been killed. Another tormenter allegedly said they’d urinated on a child’s grave. Shots were fired at one victim’s house and car. One victim said, “I can’t even describe the last nine and a half years, the living hell that I and others have had to endure because of the recklessness and negligence of Alex Jones.”

While Jones initially lied about the 2012 shooting, he later acknowledged that the massacre had occurred as he faced multiple lawsuits. He acknowledged that it was irresponsible of him to declare the Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre a hoax and that he now believes it was “100% real.” This acknowledgment does not rise to the level of an apology.

Later, Jones heatedly told the plaintiff’s attorney and jurors that he’s “done” apologizing for the lies he spread about Sandy Hook. But did he apologize?

Janis Abrahms Spring authored How Can I Forgive You? In it, she lists seven guidelines for making a good apology:

Guideline one: Take responsibility for the damage you caused. For your apology to take hold, you must acknowledge your role.

Guideline two: Make your apology personal. It’s not just an admission that “I did something wrong” but an admission that “I wronged you. I did this to you.”

Guideline three: Make your apology specific. You don’t just say, “I’m sorry.” You say exactly what you are sorry for.

Guideline four: Make your apology deep. If you want to be forgiven, you admit the whole wretched truth of what you did, naming the unflattering truth about yourself.

Guideline five: Make your apology heartfelt. Your remorse must be real, profound, and enduring, not self-serving – to rid yourself of guilt or to avoid legal penalties.

Guideline six: Make your apology clean, straightforward, and uncomplicated. No “buts” or defenses.

Guideline seven: Apologize repeatedly for serious injuries. A single apology may not be sufficient to restore your good standing.

The Twelve Step tradition offers suggestions for making amends. Apologies are not enough. Recovery calls for making amends to the people they’ve hurt to restore justice. The idea is to restore in a direct way that which they have broken or damaged, either symbolically or in action.

Jones needs to look the victims in the eye, feel the shame of his actions, hear what his actions created, and attempt to make restitution. The process is not complete until he attempts to make it right with each victim. But some of the victims of his lies have indicated that an apology wouldn’t suffice, and that Jones needed to be held accountable in a court of law for repeatedly spreading falsehoods.

The judge awarded the families nearly a billion dollars in punitive damages. It is to be seen whether they receive it. Jones has not demonstrated regret. He continues to use his platform to rally against the legal system and what he calls the evil forces that oppose him, as if he is a victim. To that, I say, sorry, not sorry.